hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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