I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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