There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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