so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
