oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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