i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
