checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
