it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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