you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
