Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
