she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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