Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
