brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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