I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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