I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize