: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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