this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
