who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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