how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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