Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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