i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
