I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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