dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
