She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
