butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
