Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
