She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
