Umm I'm too high to move.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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