just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She bit a glass in half.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
