you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
