Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
