She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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