I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
