ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
