glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
