The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
