On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
