i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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