Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
you never un-have a 4some
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
