Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he fucked my hip out of place.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
