he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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