Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
