Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
