Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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