my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
