Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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