At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
