I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
