based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
