I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
