The maid of honor just puked.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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