my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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