i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
