My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
