What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
