birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
