So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize