Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
whose ass print is on the piano?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
