Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
