Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
