On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
