There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize