so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
