Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
