There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
