Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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