And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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