Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
