Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
