my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
