I intend to get homeless drunk
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
