I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
