dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
