First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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