Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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