We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
