you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize