Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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