So drunk its hurt
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
