I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
