i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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