Do you still have your period?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
