Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
